


true love

by wakeupmoonchild



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Mild Smut, Minor Violence, Musical References, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27789766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakeupmoonchild/pseuds/wakeupmoonchild
Summary: Jaehyun has mastered the art of being invisible. But music has its way of bringing him out into the light and into a world he only thought existed in daydreams.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 14
Kudos: 89
Collections: Coffee Dates Fest [1st Round]





	true love

**Author's Note:**

> This is my humble entry for the Coffee Dates fest! This is for prompt #0043 which requests a “College AU in which Johnny is a member of the most popular rock band in the city and Jaehyun is a big fan of them. He shares a couple of classes with him, but they don't know each other. That changes when his friend, Yuta, gets first row tickets for one of their concerts and Johnny notices him in the crowd.
> 
> Reading the prompt, I had instantly become drawn to it because my childhood was mostly composed of my parents playing their favorite rock songs across the eras. 
> 
> To the prompter, I am unsure if the references in this fic is the kind of rock you’re looking for but I hope it pleases your ears! I also hope that you’ll enjoy the way I interpreted this story! 
> 
> This story was incredibly fun to write! It made me reminisce on a few treasured memories from college and surprisingly enough, helped me process some emotions I had felt back then but never got a full understanding of until now. So I thank you, dear prompter. In some magical way, you have brought me a dose of joy and peace. 
> 
> There are several other people I want to thank as well! To the fest mods! You have been nothing but supportive of this entire process! This was my first fic fest and I just wanted to let you know that it was such an easy and wonderful experience! To L, who was willing to give this a look during its earlier stages, guided me through some questions I had when it came to how I wanted to tell the story and went wild with me with the playlist I made for this (click ([here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4cD2rq7iD3XKOKP79YVWHq?si=Bqmr_RbHSf2hF8JymUGUeg)) for it) ! To C and D who had given me their support even if they have no idea how this story’s going to unfold until it’s published. Finally, to M. Remember when I told you I had crazy ideas? Well this is another one and I can’t thank you enough for being my fresh perspective each time I write.
> 
> Before I let you go, dear reader, I also want to thank you. For giving this a peek, a kudos, or even a comment. Know that I always appreciate each and every one of you.
> 
> This is for all of you. For I feel that music has changed our lives in some way, shape or form. Sending my love from across the world!

The guitar riff to a Def Leppard song fills his ears as Jaehyun whizzes through the hallway of his apartment in a rush to his morning class.

Heavy, hurried steps match the swift beat of the drums until he’s reached the first of many obstacles -- the building’s elevator. Jaehyun’s managed to slip himself inside just before the doors close and he squeezes himself in a spot amongst the crowd, right in the corner where he can rest his head against the cold metal.

Jaehyun closes his eyes, savoring the chill coursing past his thick hoodie and into his temple, a contrast to the heat of the final chorus building through his earphones. When Joe Elliot proclaims the words of a love song, Jaehyun sees a pair of people whispering through his periphery.

He pays it no mind, eager to get back to immersing in the song’s last notes when he catches one of them glancing his way. Jaehyun can’t explain it but his gut suddenly drops in the way it looked so shrewd.

When the shock mellows, and the song fades, Jaehyun acknowledges the unsolicited notion his way. 

He knows why. Everybody knows why.

But today won’t be the day where he’ll succumb to it. Instead, he dips his head down, focusing on the screen of his iPad displaying the myriad of tasks he’s set out to do for the day. In a way, he’s grateful that his schedule is full. It assures him that nothing will take his mind away and topple it to an unforgiving chasm of doubt.

Jaehyun waits for most of the people to clear before stepping out, making his way past the lobby and onto the familiar path leading to his university. Another song comes up. This time, it's more upbeat melody encapsulates him in a light bubble and Jaehyun feels his wide strides grow lighter, swifter along with it. If he weren’t rushing, Jaehyun would love to enjoy this walk. Whether it’s with a destination or not, the simple act gives him time to listen to his playlist and sink himself into the world crafted by its lyrics.

Contrary to what other people might think of him, he believes in love. Not just because it’s wrapped in the music of his favorite bands, but also because he sees it live simple and true in his parents.

They were never the kind of people to be blinded by their riches and privilege. They led with authenticity, kindness, and empathy and Jaehyun had grown to be taught these same traits which he tries to emulate until today.

But it becomes hard to be good, especially when you’re in that part of your life where other’s words are much more important than yours.

The bubble he’s in dissipates when he skips the first steps up the building that houses his first class. Jaehyun makes his way into the next obstacle towards his destination: another elevator.

In here, he’s more prepared to take on the numerous stares he’ll surely receive.

_ “That’s Jaehyun? Pft. What a shame. I didn’t think a face like that would do such a thing.” _

_ “You know what they say, never judge a book by its cover.” _

_ “How can he have put up with Jaehyun back then? Good thing he got out before it got worse.” _

Ah, so the world has decided to be a little harsh today. There’s this urge to stand up for himself gnawing at his chest. It would’ve been easy to open his mouth and let the truth fill up the space and suffocate the ones who lashed out their tongues. But he chooses to hold onto his promise for just a little while longer, as he knows that acting in defense never bodes well for himself.

That doesn’t mean there won’t be a blanket of remorse draping over him, lining his demeanor in a gloomy haze. Jaehyun tries to peel it away but it clings sticky like the sweat from the other night’s intimate concert at a bar. It had been the band that was going to open for Chasing Sunset’s upcoming show, and Jaehyun wanted to check them out, hear their sound, get excited. 

Jaehyun’s been waiting for this. After so long, he’s going to see Chasing Sunset live. To think that they’re born and raised in the same city, Jaehyun haven’t had the chance to watch any of their sets when they first started, nor had been to their sold-out arena show when they gained popularity. 

Their music came at the right time in his life, he was a freshman and all the insecurities that came with it ran him down until he got burnt out. On the day he considered dropping out of university, Jaehyun heard one of their songs playing on the stream’s weekly discovery. The sound had taken his anger and belted it out through the strings of their guitar, taken his loneliness and beat it out with their drums, taken his hopelessness and turned it around with their lyrics. From then on, Jaehyun became a fan.

Jaehyun had wanted to see them live. Feel the music seep in his bones and take him on a night he thinks is one fan’s biggest dream come true. But life had other plans in the form of a wonderful, loving relationship. Jaehyun had dedicated all of his time and attention to him, and gave everything to him.

Judging from how his life is right now, it didn’t even last the way he had hoped for it to be.

Jaehyun saunters inside the classroom, not bothering to force his expression into something lighter. It was better this way, people would stay away from him and he’d be all alone.

Except to be with the one person he trusts the most -- Yuta.

“Are you ready for this weekend?” Yuta asks as soon as Jaehyun takes his seat beside him.

“Do you really have to ask that question?” Jaehyun states, the corner of his lip quirking into a smile. “Of course I’m fucking excited.”

“So, the gates open an hour early so don’t you even dare to change your clothes or do any of that hair stuff you do at the last minute because I want to arrive somewhere in time for once.” Yuta launches into a stream of words that makes Jaehyun adjust the volume on his earphones much lower. It’s a habit Yuta sees as pointless, subjecting your ears to two distinct, overlapping sounds; but Jaehyun chalks it up to the fact that ears were meant to hear multiple sounds at once, he simply wants his to be at close-range within each other.

“I’m gonna get ready early, then.” Jaehyun times the end of a song to yank one of his earphones off when he sees a familiar figure walk in with a pretty boy in his arm.

They’re happy, he immediately notes, waltzing inside the classroom like a couple who had just married and it makes Jaehyun sick to his stomach. That man deserves all the curses and the karma in the world yet he’s the one with the unsolicited infamous reputation that he has no other choice but to keep.

Jaehyun was just about to tear his eyes away when said man had glanced in his direction and locked gazes. If an abyss had a tangible doorway, he would’ve knocked it down and entered willingly. A chance for a few seconds of hiding is better than seeing the wicked look in his ex-boyfriend’s eyes, and the sour one that disgraces the gentle features of his boyfriend. 

Jaehyun would like to think that this innocent young man only knows what his ex had said and for that, he wishes him the best of luck on dealing with a snake. Honestly, he’d want to warm him. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he was before. But he no longer wants drama and people’s portrayal of him as the resident social climber whore gives him that peace of mind, even if it was the worst way to go.

On second thought, the snobby smirk in his ex’s face is much, much worse. 

Jaehyun plays his promise on repeat, until they both walk away, until the urge to scream fades into the backstage of his mind.

“Jaehyun.” Yuta brings his attention to him, “He’s no longer worth it.”

“I know.” Jaehyun knows that. Although he really needed to hear it from Yuta this time.

“Just sucks that I had to bear the brunt of it all.” Jaehyun mutters bitterly, eventually pulling the other ear off and shoving the thin wire inside his pocket.

As much as Jaehyun manages to keep himself seemingly strong and unbothered, it doesn’t mean that he can’t accept the pitiful look in Yuta’s face sometimes. 

But then, like a switch has been flipped, Yuta’s face instantly transforms into one of excitement, leaning close to Jaehyun in a mock whisper, “I heard Johnny Suh’s coming in today.”

It brings his head whiplash with the way Jaehyun rips his eyes away from inside his bag and straight onto Yuta. “No way. The semester’s almost over and we’ve only seen him twice!”

“The man is touring, what else did you expect?” Yuta’s whisper has gone sharp, conspiratory, like the existence of Johnny Suh was a mystery to be solved.

“For him to not be here!” Jaehyun takes his phone’s camera and lines it up with his face, fingers fiddling with his hair to make it look slightly more presentable. 

“You’re the only fan I know who really wants to see their idol, and  _ vehemently  _ does not want to at the same time.” Jaehyun thinks that the way Yuta accentuates the words seems like he’d binged Youtube videos that used the generic vlogger format. He can’t blame his best friend, it’s actually much fun to hear it. A reprieve from the wash of nerves he feels when he sees Johnny enter the classroom.

“This is different!” Jaehyun is still wrestling with a stubborn strand of hair sticking up like the stem of an apple when he hears a group of girls gather and giggle around Johnny.

“What? Your--” Yuta puts his hands in the air to make air quotes, “‘Reputation is preventing you from saying hi?”

It pulls a sigh from Jaehyun, giving up on trying to make himself look more presentable and puts his phone away. “Don’t get me wrong, Yuta. I really wanna do that. Maybe even be friends with him. But what good would that do to me? People would just think that the whore is out to get another notch on his belt again, a rather famous one.”

Just above the bubbling giggles, he hears Johnny’s distant voice excusing himself to take a seat before the professor comes in. Jaehyun keeps quiet, stares straight out front until he can determine that Johnny has settled down into a spot quite far when he resumes talking, “It may not be true, but it’s what I’m stuck with. So, I’d rather just keep on being invisible with it than try and break out of it.”

“I should’ve punched your ex square in the mouth. That way, he wouldn’t have the teeth to spread that about you.” Yuta says, jerking his hand to open his laptop when the professor comes in.

Jaehyun manages to mutter a quick thanks before he focuses on the lesson at hand.

Most days, Jaehyun’s able to pay attention to everything the professor says and type down the important take-aways of the presentation. But maybe it’s because of the knowledge that Chasing Sunset’s drummer is just two rows behind him that renders him distracted as of the moment. 

All he can hear are the subtle sounds of Johnny’s fingers drumming against the varnished wood of the conference table. Jaehyun’s ears immediately translate them to the sounds he hears when Johnny bangs against the drums in a solo on one interlude track of their recent album. 

He might just be smitten, but Johnny is good at what he does, and he’s pretty sure there’s more to him than just the city’s drummer heartthrob if only Jaehyun would follow Yuta and make friends.

What was he doing? Thinking about Johnny as if he was someone that could be real in his world. Yuta may be right, but the desire to take chances ended when he was set-up for ridicule at that party. So he chooses to stay invisible, just somebody whom everybody knew, but not for the ones that are true.

A heavy tug sinks his heart farther down the depths but at least it allows Jaehyun to fully immerse in the lesson now. When it comes to academics, there’s nothing more fun than analyzing and applying theories, especially in policy class where learning is heavily dependent on such a thing.

This time around, he looks forward to the upcoming finals where it’ll be an actual debate session against their fellow classmates. One of the things he’s grown quite to enjoy with his reputation is the chance to show-off and be cocky, realizing that others grow scared to see his expression have that knowing glint before he delivers an argument that renders them speechless. The thought of it inspires him to make a fun playlist tonight.

But what he doesn’t quite enjoy is when the professor announces a surprise activity for the day. Granted, it’ll be a mock of their finals but Jaehyun has a timing for these things because he doesn’t want to come unprepared.

Before he could use the bathroom excuse, the professor has picked him out of many to participate. Jaehyun gives Yuta a pleading look before begrudgingly taking the stairs down to the podium. On it, a new set of chairs are positioned in halves, formed in a semi-circle facing each other. Things are going to turn out okay, Jaehyun convinces himself, garnering confidence from the numerous times he had thought on his feet and gotten away with it.

Settling on the seat, he’s finally managed to compose himself. As it seems, life continues to sweep him off his feet because Johnny takes his place directly in front of him on the opposing team.

He doesn’t even have to look to know that Yuta is internally freaking out at the sight, and Jaehyun’s struck with a memory from a time long past. He shakes his head, having had enough of the layers of thought barraging his head.

Nothing can take him away from doing good in this class. In fact, it was fairly easy -- a question of whether celebrities made good role models.

When the five-minute prep time had passed, Jaehyun was the first to pose an affirmative argument because celebrities naturally have a higher sense of responsibility. An obvious observation, but good enough to throw their opponent off. 

Pleased with himself, Jaehyun makes sure to pull a smirk that pulls disgusted faces from all over the room. From the distance, he can hear Yuta’s laugh and he feels all the more happy playing around this time.

The myriad of reactions hadn’t died down yet when Johnny rebuts his argument with an equally challenging one. Saying that there was a tendency for celebrities to create fake images that appeal to the taste of the general public.

For a split-second, Jaehyun thinks Johnny was referring to himself. If that were true, what was the image and what was the truth?

Nonetheless, Jaehyun wasn’t at all surprised. After all, he had just thought about hoping to know more about his ultimate crush. Instead, he was impressed by how he had easily caught up to the standard he had set in the debate, guessing that some of the whispers around campus had been true that he’s both musically and intellectually talented too.

Which adds fuel to the fire of competition within Jaehyun as he engages in a tense back and forth with Johnny for the better part of the entire activity, thinking that their smart-ass comebacks are some kind of symphony on its own.

Towards the end, Jaehyun has to stop himself, coming to the realization that maybe he’d been romanticizing this encounter all along. This is what he hates being brought up by such a loving family. There’s a tendency to lead with overt positivity, like a jack-swing on repeat. Seeing the world in rose-colored glasses, if it may be so cliche. 

He pulls himself back to the real-world, resting against the chair as the professor awards extra points to his team for winning. All thanks to him by ending with the statement that faking an image wasn’t a risk celebrities want to take, therefore all their actions come from a place of authenticity, and that’s what makes a good role model.

The bell rings and Jaehyun watches as the entire room stands to its feet, shuffling around for their things in a rush to get out and begin their weekend. Jaehyun stays, not wanting to involve himself in the directionless mess, when his eyes are caught by Johnny’s from across the room. He, too, was packing his things, presumably to scurry out before the same group of girls held him back again. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know whether or not to break away, but that was gone as soon as he saw Johnny nod subtly, as if he was acknowledging the tense, yet fun, debate they just had.

He returns it just before Johnny takes off for the door. Maybe, just maybe, Yuta is right all along.

When most of the people clear, Jaehyun gets up from the chair and meets Yuta halfway, who already has both of their things in his hands. 

“It’s finally the weekend!!” Yuta almost throws Jaehyun’s things at him in excitement. “Come on, let’s head out and jam to the album while drinking!”

“Get ready to empty your wallet.” Jaehyun slings his bag over his shoulder, chuckling when Yuta squawks at what he said.

“Why me?!” Yuta whines from beside him.

“That’s because I bought the drinks last time.” Jaehyun quips, passing the door and onto the hallway that leads into the elevator.

“You  _ always  _ say that.” Yuta sighs, giving in, and Jaehyun slightly pumps both of his fists close to his sides, smiling victoriously. 

“You love me so much that you don’t resist!” Jaehyun lilts, failing to notice that they’ve arrived at the end of the line for the elevator and his ex-boyfriend had heard what he said.

“Making your best friend your new boytoy now?” He says — spits in his direction. 

Yuta was the first to react, throwing his ex the finger and telling him to fuck off.

“Huh. You still had the nerve to fuck around even when everybody knows that you’re a slut? Fucking shameless.” He continues on, and now the rest of the floor has their eyes on them.

Jaehyun has held onto his promise for so long to allow his words convince him to break it, so he stays silent, seething through his teeth.

“What? Can’t say anything because it’s true? That you’re an unfaithful cocksucker looking for the next big dick?”

There’s a certain classic trend to songs where they talk about promises having meant to be broken. Jaehyun never understood it before...until he’s charging through the crowd to grab at his ex’s collar and slam him against the nearest wall.

“I was never unfaithful.” Jaehyun grits, hands tightening around the fabric. “That was you. You made me think we were okay. You made me think that I was loved by you. But what did you do? You preyed on another boy behind my back!” His voice rises with every word until it reaches the point where it occupies the space, letting everyone hear them.

“Me? Unfaithful? Who was the one who got caught on tape kissing another man?” His ex plays it off as if it was nothing, like everything was a joke to him. “I’m sure it wasn’t me.” 

“You set me up!!” Jaehyun slams him again, garnering the gasps of several people and one who muttered that she was going to call a guard over. Yuta’s calling his name but it’s too late now. “You had one of your frat boys woo me just so you could frame me!!”

“Where’s your proof though?” His ex tilts his head mockingly. “Oh, right. None.”

When the world rains down on him, at least it gives him the tell-tale opportunity of retaliation. The kind Jaehyun decides to use? A punch to his ex’s face. 

The sound of his knuckles meeting the soft flesh of a cheek sounds incredibly sweet as Jaehyun watches his ex stumble over himself, cupping his maddeningly red face. 

Jaehyun wanted to do it again, watch him feel a semblance of the pain he had put him through. Yet he has to be satisfied with this alone because he has better things waiting for him.

Halfway through turning away, his shoulder’s been pulled back and in a flash, his jaw blooms in sharp pain as his ex punches back. And he doesn’t stop there, when Jaehyun tries to back away, his ex charges forward, hitting him with heavy fists to his torso. 

Yuta breaks through the crowd to defend him, slotting himself in between so that he can take some of the hits in Jaehyun’s place. 

When Jaehyun’s regained his balance, he doesn’t think about how he looks, or how things will turn out, he just thinks about unleashing the anger within him.

Until he feels his other shoulder grabbed and pulled aside. This time, it wasn’t someone else to fight him. Rather, it was Johnny dragging him away so he can press a strong hand against his ex’s chest to stop him.

“He’s not worth it.” Johnny utters to Jaehyun, eyes swirling with something he can’t figure out.

“Why’re you defending him, Seo?” His ex yells over, trying to move Johnny’s hand away yet failing.

“Because unlike the rest of you, I know how to use my brain.” Johnny had shoved his ex away when he’s considerably calmed down.

“Well, if that’s true then you would know that he’s spitting lies!” His ex avoids saying his name, as if it was something so vulgar. Jaehyun wanted to bite back, but he feels the rise of a metallic taste from below his tongue and that’s when he noticed that he had been bleeding.

“No. I would know that Jaehyun’s telling the truth. Turns out, chatting with my lovely fans brings so much good.” Johnny says matter-of-fact, shocking Jaehyun because why would he of all people defend him to this extent? They don’t even know each other. 

“But you don’t have to know it right now. You could just find out when you’re being suspended by the chancellor.” Johnny lets him go. Surprisingly enough, his ex doesn’t fight back. Instead, he wipes the drop of blood escaping the corner of his mouth and wiping it on the sleeve of his shell-shocked boyfriend. The most innocent of them all rouses from his trance and slaps his ex on the arm for doing that.

“Why’re you meddling in anyways?” His ex asks Johnny, incredulous and in disbelief.

“Because I value what’s right.” Johnny answers, stepping away to gesture to his ex to walk away. “And you deserve the karma coming along your way.”

“If I didn’t think you’re already under his spell, I’d tell you to make that a lyric.” His ex spits out one last time before walking away, dragging his gawking boyfriend along with him.

Jaehyun watches them go, watches how the crowd disperses until it was only the three of them left. Yuta was still on guard, the last dregs of alertness lining his feet as he stepped slightly forward to cover Jaehyun.

Johnny turns around, eyes immediately gravitating towards the bruise forming on Jaehyun’s jaw. “You should have that looked at.”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun mumbles, still in the process of taking it all in. Just a while ago, he was having fun debating with Johnny, now Jaehyun sees the pity in the man’s eyes and he feels shame cascade through his body. The least he could do is protect himself from further embarrassment by playing it off as nothing. “Don’t worry about this. Thanks.”

“If it’s alright, I wanna make sure you’re actually okay. Can I take you to the clinic?” Johnny insists, hands digging through the pocket of his jeans. 

Jaehyun considers rejecting his offer again. But when he gave it another thought, he was going to get himself treated someplace else anyways. Preferably at home and with Yuta’s doctor parents. It just made better sense to take Johnny up on his offer and save the lecture they were sure to get from them. 

So he nods, allowing Johnny to lead the way.

Like most university clinics, theirs emulated the unsettling chill with the cold, white walls and the excessive minimalism in the furniture used all around. For that alone, Jaehyun had grown to dislike them and did everything to avoid entering these spaces as much as he could. 

This was no different. They sat together in a rather small couch that barely fit all of them and the way their bodies touched and rustled against each other felt all kinds of uncomfortable. Jaehyun was about to come up with an excuse to bolt when the attending nurse asks for his ID so that she may fill in his patient form.

“Your ex got you pretty bad, huh?” Johnny speaks up, voice down to a mellow to avoid one of the staff shushing them off.

Jaehyun sighs, knowing where these kinds of questions lead to. To be honest, he’s not really in the mood to retell a story most people have already construed.

“Yeah, he did Jae.” Yuta answers in his place, sporting a worried look on his face. “Why’d you punch him in the face? I told you he wasn’t worth it.” 

“I couldn’t help it, Yuta!” Jaehyun raises his voice enough to earn a few warnings from the nurse’s desk. “What? Until now, he wants to taunt me? Rub whatever lies he can to see what sticks? Well today stuck, okay?” A huff of breath escapes him, “He may not be worth it. But the punch to his face was.”

“It is pretty bad then.” Johnny comments from his other side. There were still traces of resolution in the creases of his forehead but the rest of his features moved with worry, as if he’s not fully aware of what he was talking about.

“I think you’d know.” Jaehyun shakes his head at him in particular. There it was, the admission of him being heavily affected and it washes him down with a heavy dose of shame.

“I actually don’t know.” Johnny admits, a hint of red lining his cheeks in embarrassment. “Like anything at all.”

Jaehyun whips his head towards him, shocked at the truth Johnny just put out. “What do you mean you don’t know? How were you able to make my ex give up then?”

Johnny refuses to meet his eye, head bowed down for a hand to scratch the nape, “I-I bluffed.”

His answer could have a thousand interpretations, all of which didn’t sound very pleasant to Jaehyun because it was all on the basis that Johnny might’ve possibly pitied him, and that was the last thing he needed. 

“Oh god, you didn’t like that. I’m so sorry.” Johnny’s grown more frantic now, scrambling for the right words to say. “I just—When I said that I value what’s right, that’s true. It doesn’t matter what the story is. If someone’s getting hurt, then the one who made the first strike is the one in the wrong. That was your ex.”

Maybe he had underestimated Johnny, labelled him as one of the people who had misplaced intentions and the shame he feels shifts just that little bit to accommodate this blunder. 

“We were in love.” Jaehyun blurts out, feeling like this would be enough to compensate for the entire mess he had caused. “Jock meets music nerd, you know how it goes. We did everything together, from the café to the bed and it was simple and sweet and I honestly thought that he would be the one I would take home to meet my parents.” 

Jaehyun could feel Yuta inch closer, offering his body warmth for comfort. “I guess it’s part of being a jock’s boyfriend to attend parties after every game and that was fine...until one particular night. You think the first thing you’d do when you arrive at a frat house was to look for your boyfriend. Well, I found him, alright. Locking lips with a stranger as if he wasn’t a committed man.” 

Johnny curses under his breath, and Jaehyun finds relief in that.

“He even had the audacity to lie to my face about it. Being so drunk and all that. But I didn’t buy it because betrayal hurts. So, I broke up with him on the spot and left the party. I didn’t know that my freedom would only be short-lived because a week later, someone came my way, asked me out for a drink…” Jaehyun scoffs at the approaching plot twist of it all. But he’s already here so he might as well pull through with it. “He was a charmer, I’ll give him that. And we kissed. Just a press of lips. But that was all my ex needed to steal a shot and spread it around with the story that  _ I  _ was the cheater in the relationship.”

Retelling the memory no longer hurts, but it still makes him frustrated from time to time. Jaehyun could only hope that he doesn’t weird Johnny out in the least. “That’s how I became the campus whore. It’s not a good look. But at least not anyone can just approach me.”

The story takes a while to sink into Johnny, and Jaehyun simply observes him, watching his expression flit from frustration to appallment, to pure anger until it finally settles into a troubled state of thought, “Yeah, I should’ve punched him in the face too.”

It wasn’t sudden, the way they bubbled into a fit of laughter, bodies shaking from the force of it. It feels nice, having someone other than Yuta know of the truth and not be judged for it. Makes Jaehyun feel that there is hope in his world, makes him assured that Johnny  _ is  _ beyond his famous persona.

They are interrupted when the nurse calls for him and Jaehyun excuses himself to get treated. Surprisingly enough, he’s never once felt the pain of his wounds.

When he emerges from the doctor’s room, Jaehyun takes notice of how Yuta and Johnny seemed to have gotten closer than a while ago.

“Hey. Doctor said I’ll be just fine,” Jaehyun says once he’s within earshot of them. “I’ll just take these meds to help me heal faster.”

“That’s great!” Johnny smiles, and it hits Jaehyun like the opening verse of a love song. “Alright, we better get going, then!” He stands, fishing his hand in his front pocket for what sounds like car keys.

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun asks, shifting curious eyes between Johnny and Yuta.

“Well, Johnny and I got to talking,” Yuta lilts, sporting a look Jaehyun knows to be one he uses when he’s done something. “And I discovered that he has the limited edition live CD of that American band you like!”

Oh, Jaehyun knows where this is going and he doesn’t have the emotional strength to see it through. 

“So, he’s gonna give us a ride back to our apartment while we listen to it!” Yuta rises to his tippy toes by the end of his sentence.

“No, we can’t possibly impose.” Jaehyun waves his hands towards Johnny, trying to soften the rejection to his offer.

“No, I insist.” Johnny mirrors Yuta’s tone and stance and Jaehyun can’t believe that he’s fallen even more for this man. It’s so difficult to resist knowing that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to be with the man of his affections. 

“Alright.” Jaehyun nods, ignoring all of his troubles for now.

  
  
  
  


There was one thing the movies got right, it was the burning, arresting sensation of being in close proximity to your love interest in a rather expensive car. 

Jaehyun feels it all throughout his limbs and the seatbelt strapped to his chest grows tighter with every breath he takes and he just wishes that no one would notice as he’s had enough of being caught off guard multiple times today.

“What got you into band music?” Johnny asks, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the gear shift. 

It was a natural gesture, yet it was enough to send Jaehyun into a bubbling mess, “My dad and I listened to it since I was young. That’s how he met mom, actually. In a concert back in the 80s.” 

“That’s actually pretty lovely.” Johnny comments, “Mine on the other hand have classical music as their favorite. Sometimes they wonder why my tastes are so different from theirs.” 

Yuta chuckles from his seat at the back. “To each our own! Obviously rock music was for you.” 

“Yeah, it is.” Johnny breathes out softly, “It’s given meaning to my life.” As Jaehyun looks at him, he sees serenity in his features now, like talking about the music he loves brings him peace. That is something he agrees with wholeheartedly.

“Meaning?” Jaehyun asks, turning towards Johnny as he rests his cheeks against the headrest. “What kind?”

“I was the troublesome type when I was young.” Johnny uses a stoplight to presumably look for the said CD he and Yuta had been talking about. “Skipping class, stealing beer, answering back to anyone who wanted to lecture me.” He finds it afterwards and moves to insert the CD into the built-in player. Then the familiar lyrics build up from the speakers, preach about the elation one feels upon finding a love so swift and deep they wish it could last forever. 

It’s ironic, Jaehyun thinks. How one of his most favorite songs ended up contradicting his love life right now. 

“Everybody kind of gave up in hoping for me to change.” Johnny’s retelling of his life pulls Jaehyun back up to the surface. “Which completely sucked because all I wanted was to be in love with what I’m doing in my life and nobody seemed to understand it back then. Until one day, I met the guys.”

For a moment, Jaehyun’s starstruck because the guys Johnny was referring were the other members of his band — Taeil, Taeyong, and Mark. News outlets had a hard time getting information about each of them as all led private lives and he wonders what could’ve been the moment they were all brought together.

“They were practicing in Yong’s garage and I was running away from a store owner who was chasing me down for a six-pack. ‘Till this day, I still don’t know why they hid me in the corner with the tall boxes.” 

Laughter bursts from Jaehyun’s lips at the thought of that happening in the past. It was probably one of the most chaotic things he had ever heard and best of all, it came from a person who doesn’t look like he causes trouble at all. 

“I can’t believe that actually happened! Like  _ the  _ Johnny Suh having done those before?” Jaehyun’s clutching his stomach now and that seems to have made both Johnny and Yuta join him. 

“Hey, at least I don’t do that now!” Johnny says, eyes now on the road as they continue to drive.

“Why? Because you're famous now?” Jaehyun teases, pulling another chuckle from him. 

“No. Because I finally found what I love. The fame is just a bonus.” Johnny admits with a tone reminiscent of the songs he used to listen to with his dad. The ones about finding your calling. 

Jaehyun returns the smile with one of his own, amazed at how far Johnny has gone from his rather turbulent beginnings. 

“Yuta, you’re quiet over there.” Johnny comments, sneaking a look at his friend from the rearview.

“Nah. I’m just enjoying the moment.” Yuta crosses his arms, a playful look on his face. 

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun turns on his seat to face him, eyes squinting because he knows that look on Yuta’s face and he plans on warning him to tread lightly. He doesn’t know what to do if Yuta slips and hints at his crush on Johnny.

“Oh, you know. There might be something beautiful going on.” Yuta glances at Johnny, who doesn’t bother to look into the rearview once more, and then to Jaehyun, who ultimately fails to understand where his friend is getting at. 

  
  
  
  


Tonight’s the night. The one he’s been waiting for so long. The Chasing Sunset concert.

To say that he was ecstatic was an understatement. Ever since they had woken up this morning, Jaehyun and Yuta had been playing all of their songs in chronological order as they went about doing their homework and errands.

By late afternoon, Yuta’s suspicions had come true when Jaehyun had not just changed his outfit once, but thrice and they were supposed to leave for the venue 30 minutes ago. 

“I’m just not satisfied!” Jaehyun whines as he tugs at the neckline of his distressed black shirt, as if he was beginning to feel suffocated in his own clothes. 

“And I keep on telling you that you actually look nice in any of them.” Yuta had just finished lining his right eye when he got up from his bed and headed on over to where Jaehyun was standing in front of the mirror. “What is it this time?”

Jaehyun hesitates, as usual. Born from his habit of being extremely careful of what he says around people and has to remind himself that Yuta isn’t most people, he’s his best friend. “I don’t know. Back then, it was just me wanting to  _ look  _ good. Now, I wanna look good  _ for  _ Johnny.” 

He feels a rather hard slap to the back of his head, keeling over before looking at Yuta with wide eyes, “What the fuck was that for?!”

“To snap you out of it.” Yuta returns the same angry tone at him. “I wouldn’t mind you fussing over your outfit because you’re doing it for  _ yourself.  _ But I won’t stand for you adjusting for someone else, even if that’s for Johnny.”

“What? So, I can’t look good now?” Jaehyun moves away from the mirror and onto the cabinet. Maybe he could at least change his jeans to break the monotony of the distressed style. 

“You’re missing the point.” Yuta’s voice considerably calms, “I’m trying to tell you to stop trying to please other people. Everybody’s different and you can’t satisfy them all. Even the ones who talk shit about you. Again, even Johnny. You can only be yourself and have faith that the people who’re meant to be in your life will come your way.” 

Jaehyun pauses halfway from pulling a pair of black jeans off one of the built-in drawers. The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. All this time, he thought he was doing everything to protect himself but putting that into consideration, he can feel the beginnings of regret stirring in the pits of his stomach. 

“I just want something good to happen for once, you know?” Jaehyun moves again, switching his jeans as a way to ground himself from getting carried away by the emotions. “Like maybe a good outfit. Or a nice time at a concert. Just—“ He fastens the button and sighs deeply. “I’m tired. You’re right.”

Yuta walks towards him, the most understanding look on his face, and gives Jaehyun a warm hug. He sinks into it, relishes it and for some type of magic, feels the energy come right back.

“Let’s make this the first night where you’ll do everything because  _ you  _ want to.” Yuta pulls away, offers him his eyeliner with a playful smile. 

Jaehyun takes the pencil, lines a thin stroke at his lower lash before nodding. The suffocation he feels is long gone.

  
  


The concert hall was already brimming with people by the time they arrived. Every row they passed by had groups of friends talking amongst themselves, couples taking photos, and a few solo attendees waiting for the show to start. As they near their place at the front row, Jaehyun is practically vibrating at the energy he feeds off of the crowd. Concerts have always made him feel this way, as if the world isn’t complicated and you can just have fun.

Yuta feels the same way as he’s already begun to shout his throat out once they settle into their spot. 

Jaehyun yells along with him, eventually getting into a hilarious screaming match with Yuta, just letting out bursts of sound that may or may not have garnered a few annoyed glances from the crowd. 

Not that they care anyway.

Because soon enough, the lights dim down and the spotlight turns on, illuminating the frontman of the front act that was about to play.

_ This one’s for the betrayed!  _ The singer yells onto the mic, cueing the band’s first song. It was hard to tell the notes apart at first, but when the refrain came along, it had begun to make sense. The song was about the journey to clarity. Jaehyun’s got to give it to this front act, they really brought their game compared to their intimate guesting at a bar he attended prior. 

The rest of their four songs had gone by so quickly, which tells Jaehyun two things — that he had enjoyed them so much that he may have to stream their album later on.

Before he could mention it to Yuta, the lights dim once again and the whole venue goes dark. The swift loss of light is accompanied by the swift loss of collective sound as the audience patiently waits for the main event of the evening.

Then a single voice fills the space — a confession of love declared onto mic. Taeil moves through the lines as the song gradually comes alive through Mark’s guitar and Taeyong’s bass. Finally, it was the sound of Johnny’s drums that brought it all together.

When the lights come back on, the first thing he sees is Johnny. Donned in an all-black ensemble that combines cotton and mesh and it was definitely a far-cry from the oversized hoodie he’d worn just yesterday. 

His hands were already making great work of the drums, exerting great force that could rival the rumble of an earthquake and if Jaehyun’s eyes weren’t mistaken, he could see veins popping out of his forearms.

It was worth it though, because the crowd jumps along to the fast beat, adrenaline making their hands shoot up in the air, pumping fast as they sing along. 

“They’re even more amazing live!!” Jaehyun turns to yell at Yuta earnestly this time. It feels so surreal to be experiencing this right now, having the band he so admired perform live for just one night and even when it’s only just begun...Jaehyun hopes for it to never end.

The music continues, peaks at the combination of sounds that wakes the audience from their core, and mellows them with an acoustic that soothes their hearts. Jaehyun lets go of all his inhibitions and insecurities, lets the music take him wherever it wants until he’s sweating now, having jumped and danced most of the night through. Yuta’s in the same state, hair matted to his forehead and chest heaving with a huge smile on his face. 

“See what happens when you have fun?!” Yuta reiterates his point and Jaehyun laughs carelessly in response. 

“This last song is for every single one of you. You are enough and we love you.” Taeil says into the mic, the soft tone in his voice leading the way into the final song of the evening. One that tells a story about how you alone are worth it. About how you alone will lead you to people you will call your family. And maybe, just maybe, about how you alone will make someone risk it all for you.

Jaehyun roots his feet down this time, deciding to listen carefully to the power ballad crooning into the air. Taeil is magnificent as always, while Mark and Taeyong close the distance to have their guitars playing face to face for a few exhilarating moments before returning to their places. This was Jaehyun’s favorite song, and there was no way he was going to end this night without singing along to it. 

In a surge of joy, Jaehyun drapes an arm across Yuta’s shoulders, thanking him for the wakeup call. His best friend mouths  _ no problem  _ before they part and Jaehyun sees the most unexpected thing to have occurred in his life.

Johnny was looking at him. 

In the midst of making the culminating beats, Johnny’s eyes went from crazed with adrenaline, to soft with something Jaehyun cannot pinpoint. He breaks away, looks around the crowd to see if he had been mistaken and that Johnny was looking at someone else. 

But when he returns, Johnny is still looking at him and now Jaehyun’s sure of it.

Jaehyun wants to ask why, even when he knew his voice would get lost in the crowd. But before he could even open his mouth, Johnny has beat him to it as he mouths the last line:

_ The real you is who I want to know. Who I want to love. _

Jaehyun doesn’t understand it; the look, the words, the blinding smile he gives at the end. He doesn’t know what each of it means, and what they’re trying to convey all together. To others, this would be a moment worthy of social media, boasting about this fantasy-like occurrence to millions of strangers just to get a sense of validity. 

But to Jaehyun, it’s quite the opposite. He wants to question Johnny, uncover the truth and understand his intentions. He may be his ultimate fantasy, but Johnny is a person. As with all people, they all have complexities that are far from perfect. 

The concert has finally come to an end, and while Jaehyun and Yuta were going along with the crowd as it heads for the exits, one of the bodyguards has stopped and pulled them to the side. 

“Sorry for the sudden intrusion, but somebody wants to see you.” The bodyguard informs before leaving the two of them alone.

“Did you see that?” Jaehyun asks Yuta once the largely-built man was out of earshot. “What Johnny did at the last song.”

“Of course. It was pretty hard not to.” Yuta nods, “But I don’t think it’s something to be thought much about.” 

“Like pulling us aside from the crowd doesn’t actually make this a big deal? What do you know?” Jaehyun hisses, nerves humming through his skin.

“What? Maybe Johnny just wants to see us.” It was unusual for Yuta to remain calm in situations like these, he’d have found a way to run by now. But he just stands there, hands coolly in his pockets while his head cranes around the now-empty hall.

Speaking of the devil, the said man of the conversation has emerged from the backstage door, out of his costume and back into the oversized clothes that make him more visibly comfortable.

“How was it?” Johnny asks as he approaches.

“It was awesome, man! Better live!” Yuta answers for them, Jaehyun was too engrossed in gaping at Johnny to even offer his own compliment.

Frankly, Jaehyun has no idea why Johnny’s acting like he hadn’t done anything that was remotely close to romantic. The drummer was just standing there, casually having a chat with Yuta about the concert and how his best friend had liked it.

“What about you, Jaehyun?” Johnny turns to him, a hopeful smile on his face.

This is insanity. Jaehyun has no idea how to respond without potentially stumbling over his words and blurting out the moment they shared. But Johnny’s still looking at him, even Yuta too. Both were patiently waiting for what he had to say and he could feel sweat forming in his palms from the nervousness.

“It was amazing.” Jaehyun decides to go with the simple and obvious. As he comes up with the words to express how he feels, Jaehyun falls into some form of melancholy, “I feel like I’d gone full circle. A few years ago, I was so lost I wanted to quit college and have life take me wherever. But your music was like a sign that told me to hang on for the better things to come. Even if all your lyrics were about love.”

Yuta chuckles at his comment, and Jaehyun finds himself beginning to smile. “I’ve said this to Yuta so many times but your music changed my life. I wouldn’t have met Yuta without it. I wouldn’t have met you. I wouldn’t have the strength every day to ignore those fuckers who only live to gossip!” 

Jaehyun’s looking at Johnny head on now, no longer frantic. Just like in the last song, Jaehyun notes the way Johnny is looking at him. This time, there was wonder in his eyes and a blush on his cheeks.

For a moment, Jaehyun thinks this was a fantasy come true. But no, it wasn’t right to interpret things that way. So he settles for ignoring it all together. “This concert is the best time of my life. I’ll never forget about it.”

“T-Thank you.” Johnny doesn’t move an inch when he says it, blush still evident on his cheeks. When he does notice, the drummer moves to run his hand repeatedly through his nape, gaze down and onto the floor. “It means a lot to hear that. I don’t know how to thank you for it.”

“You don’t have to. I’m just a fan who’s happy to be here.” Jaehyun consoles him, heaving a sigh of relief when Johnny relaxes.

“Then I promise you we’ll continue making more good music.” Johnny promises with a smile so captivating, Jaehyun thinks he’s lost his breath. 

“You must be wondering why I asked you guys to stay.” Johnny looks particularly at Jaehyun, whose nerves are beginning to rise once more. “Maybe we could all have dinner? It’s my way of thanking you for attending. I’ll drive.”

“Oh, we don’t want to impose.” Jaehyun immediately declines out of respect. Yet he finds himself in a small debate with Johnny about it. It reminds Jaehyun of that time in class where he had been pleasantly surprised to have met his match. He doesn’t know how to explain it, but maybe it’s because he’s trusted Johnny to take him seriously, even right now.

“Alright, if you insist.” So it becomes easier for Jaehyun to concede. With a smile, even.

  
  
  
  


The warm light perfectly drapes over the small pub, wrapping everything in a sheen of calm — grounding one to the present yet encourages then to live in this bubble that’s separated from time. It may be small, but that was the charm of it. Being sat close together so your limbs touch like a whisper adds intimacy, the kind where masks and walls have no effect here.

Jaehyun’s sat between Yuta and Johnny, nursing another beer he had in his hand. There’s no band playing a set tonight when there usually was and that’s fine. There’s a different kind of magic in the low symphony of talking voices.

“Wait. You’re actually on track with school?” Jaehyun whisper-shouts, rather surprised at the thought Johnny would be graduating the same time as him and Yuta. 

“Yeah. Taeil and I aren’t delayed or anything.” Johnny chuckles, probably amused by his reaction. “Although we did lose a little bit of sleep for it.”

“See? Told you I saw him!” Yuta chimes in, having just finished a beer. He didn't make a move to order another because he was the designated taxi-hailer tonight. One would think this role would suck when it comes to a night of drinking but not for Yuta. His best friend finds utter joy in witnessing drunken chaos because he gets to tell the story over and over again in the future. 

“Jaehyun only thought that way because he refused to believe me each time I tried to tell him you were there.” Yuta continues, not noticing the little slip-up he just said. Jaehyun quietly gives Yuta the warning glare but it goes unnoticed. 

“Every time I made him look in your direction, you already had your hoodie down to your face. And you always wear peak college kid hoodies.” Yuta refers to Johnny then and Jaehyun has to move his eyes to his periphery just to check for any unsavory reactions coming from Johnny.

“Why were you looking for me?” Johnny asks, and Jaehyun knows this man is sober because he’s going to drive himself home. So all he has to blame is Johnny’s confidence for asking this of him. 

“Your band’s famous. Even if I’m not one of your super fans, I’ll admit my head automatically turns whenever you’re in the room.” Jaehyun has never been so proud of a lie in his entire life. He’s going to give himself a pat on the back for the smooth delivery.

“Is that so?” Even in a crowd filled with voices, Jaehyun still heard Johnny’s voice fall. 

Maybe that wasn’t the best way to say it and he fumbles over himself to try and salvage whatever he could, “It’s a knee-jerk reaction! Like how you follow a herd of people looking in one direction! That’s what I meant!”

“Yeah. I’m just messing with you.” Johnny chuckles, obviously delighted with the little prank he just pulled.

Jaehyun and Yuta laugh along but in the back of his mind, Jaehyun begins to doubt if he really meant that prank after all.

“Jaehyun may not be as good with words like you but he always means well.” Yuta says and dear god he must’ve done something right in his past life to have someone like him saving his face.

“Really? He seems pretty good with words to me.” Johnny crosses his arms on the table before leaning closer to Jaehyun with a teasing look on his face. “He beat me at debate.”

“That’s because you failed to acknowledge that everything has a gray area.” Jaehyun scoffs, looking the other way to prevent exposing the blush on his cheeks.

“You’re right. But sometimes, there’s only one clear way to do things. Even in gray areas.” Johnny rebuts and for some reason, it held more weight that it should. Before Jaehyun could get a word in, Yuta had already stood up.

“Okay, you two lovebirds. I’m not staying here for a debate so I’m going to excuse myself and go chat up that lovely little boy there who’s been giving me looks the entire time.” Yuta saunters over to the bar where the said boy was seated, trying his best to look nonchalant once he realizes Yuta is coming his way.

“Is that Mark?!” Jaehyun whisper-shouts once again, causing Johnny to guffaw.

“All of us at the band come here. Nobody knows us and if there were, they know how to respect our privacy.” Johnny explains, making Jaehyun hum in understanding.

“You should’ve hung out with them, then.” Jaehyun says, feeling guilty once again for taking Johnny’s time.

“Nah. I really wanna hang out with you.” There it goes again — leaning close, low voice and weighted gaze that for a self-professed nerd like him, can’t figure out what it all meant. 

“Besides,” Johnny pulls away as if what he did didn’t affect him, tilting his head. “We have unfinished debate business.”

“What is there to debate about? Gray areas? You know I’m just gonna beat you again.” Jaehyun matches Johnny’s teasing. He’s sure that whatever Johnny will throw at him, he’ll counter effectively.

“Music.” Johnny proposes. “Classic 80s rock and how it all sounds the same.”

Jaehyun visibly gasps, scandalized by what Johnny said. “You did not just say that. 80s rock is pivotal in the genre’s massive influence. Without it, your band wouldn’t exist.” 

“You say that because we’re forced to experiment.” Johnny rebuts and Jaehyun feels the familiar, excitable fire within him burning.

“That  _ was  _ the time for experimentation!” Jaehyun almost throws his hands up. “You must’ve had a limited view of it.”

“How do you know that for sure?” Johnny crosses his arms over himself now, smirk gracing his lips.

“Uh, you only have one CD from the era in your car.” That’s when Jaehyun realizes he went ahead of himself because Johnny’s smirk has grown knowing he has the upper hand.

“Who says I don’t have an entire library on my phone?” Johnny raises his eyebrows at him and Jaehyun’s caught in his debate trap.

“How’re you gonna prove it to me?” Jaehyun tries to escape but he’s basically asking to be defeated by this point.

“Let’s listen in my car.” Johnny shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

“What about Yuta?” Jaehyun remembers his best friend, looking around for him.

“I think he already went someplace else with Mark.” Johnny whistles, amazed at how time flew by enough for them to lose Yuta.

Jaehyun frantically fishes for his phone, relieved that Yuta had sent a text to let him know that he’s fine and he’s going to spend time with Mark. Yuta may be a flirt, but he’s a gentleman too and Jaehyun knows Mark’s going to be in good company. 

What didn't give him relief was Yuta’s message in the end where he wished him good luck and signed it off with a wink emoji.

The night’s turning out completely different to what Jaehyun was expecting but rather than stress himself out on it, he keeps his promise of letting go and walking with Johnny to his car.

In hindsight, it was stupid for Jaehyun to take Johnny’s words literally. He hadn’t even thought that listening to music involved driving around the city as well.

Which was a completely normal thing, Jaehyun was just preoccupied in trying to keep calm as the only passenger in Johnny’s car.

It had been silent for a while. Johnny was still looking for the perfect song in between a few stoplights, thumb lightly scrolling through until it stops to press on one.

The way the song comes in strong needs no other introduction. It’s keyboard and guitars interchange and build-up to a melody that’s truly iconic.

_ “You know our love was meant to be…” _

Suddenly, the jitters vibrating under Jaehyun skin are blown away by the undeniable urge to sing along with the lyrics.

Before he knows it, Johnny has rolled down the windows and they’re both screaming at the top of their lungs at the chorus.

_ “You’re the meaning in my life. You’re the inspiration!!” _

Jaehyun’s throat was beginning to dry from the cold evening wind and their voices might even garner some complaints from unsuspecting homeowners but in this moment, he finally understands what Yuta had meant about living life the way he wants to — free.

Free from the people who don’t matter, free from the walls that once withheld him, free to make his own choices because he’s grown out of his desire to please other people, and it feels  _ good.  _

As the song comes to an end, Jaehyun rests himself against the seat, feeling weightless and renewed. 

“Alright. You win.” Jaehyun turns to Johnny, a lazy smile on his lips.

“Told you so.” Johnny takes a moment to lower the volume of their stereo before he continues, “But I guess you’re right. The 80s did have a big impact on music.”

“Told you so.” Jaehyun mimics him, hoping to get a humorous reaction. On the contrary, Johnny’s face is pensive, as if debating with himself over something he was thinking about. “What is it?”

“Music takes on so many forms. It’s amazing how one era can have so many songs that span across genres and have them become legends in their own right.” Johnny muses, slowing down the car as it nears a turn. “But I think what’s so special about the 80s is that when they make music, it’s always a declaration. Freedom, rebellion…”

Johnny looks at him with that weighted gaze once again, and it can’t be denied that there was a message between those eyes. Something that set his heart ablaze. Yet Jaehyun refuses his own fantasies to connect the dots for him.

“Love.” Johnny says. It wasn’t a coincidence that it had ended with that cursed word and Jaehyun is at a loss of what to do. All of his fantasies are elated while the skeptic in him keeps him wary. 

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun asks carefully.

Johnny’s eyes were back on the road again, nervousness obvious on the way he tightly grips at the steering wheel. “I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you this but… I like you. Since junior year.” 

Everything slowed down. Even in the way Jaehyun held his breath and how his vision began to spin. He couldn’t believe it — the man of his dreams had just confessed to him. For some miracle, his fantasies had come true and he should be jumping in his seat in joy.

Instead, doom was looming like a dark cloud over him. This should never have happened. An unreachable star shouldn’t fall in love with spoiled goods such as him because people talk. And if they do, then they’d bring Johnny down with him.

Soon, the music from the speakers no longer crooned at him. Rather, the notes begin to feel like sharp record scratches digging in his ear and Jaehyun wants out. He doesn’t care if the car is moving, he wants to leave.

“You’re just taking pity on me because of the fight.” Jaehyun whimpers, and doesn’t fail to notice himself cowering in shame.

Johnny scowls in distaste, hands moving to stop the car on the side of a rather empty road. He yanks the gear shift up before turning his body to face Jaehyun. “What part of since junior year did you not understand?”

Jaehyun doesn’t fully hear him, panic digging deep to arrest his heart. “You were already famous back then! I was still together with my ex and being miserable! What in God’s sakes do you like me for if not for pity?!”

“Your kindness.” Johnny declares, “Your intellect, your wits, and your grit and the sheer fact that all of these things barely scratch the surface of who you are and I am already willing to do anything for you.” 

There're so many questions running through his mind like a cacophony of instruments trying to find harmony. All of the things Johnny said had to mean that he had been observing Jaehyun from afar and that alone was a preposterous thought. If most students couldn’t even bear to look at him, what reason will a superstar have?

Even more so now that he remembers how Johnny stepped in to defend him from his ex. “When you defended me...was that...?”

Johnny vehemently shakes his head, leaning forward carefully. “No! No, I didn’t fight for you because I knew you and I liked you. I fought for you because it was only right. It didn’t even hit me that it was you until your ex insulted you.” 

The air is thin from where he’s seated and Jaehyun knows it’s from the revelations Johnny’s showing him that make absolutely no sense at all. “I need to get out of this car.”

Johnny’s face falls and Jaehyun realizes it’s genuine this time because the spark in his eyes have dimmed to nothing. 

For a second, Jaehyun feels guilty. But he’s desperate for a chance to get out of this small space. Maybe it’ll help clear his head, so he tells Johnny just as much, “I just need some air.”

Hope returns in Johnny’s eyes and decides to get out of the car with him. 

The cold wind still burns Jaehyun’s throat, but the breeze soothes his entire body as he closes the door and leans against it. 

Johnny circles around to meet him, mirroring Jaehyun from a respectable distance. He can see that Johnny is worried. Whatever for, Jaehyun doesn’t dwell on it because the questions on his mind are dying to break out.

“Junior year, you said? How?”

“It was the first day of debate class.” Johnny dips his hands into the pockets of his jeans, taking in a deep breath. “Sat at the back because I didn’t feel like dealing with two-faced groupies that always seem to know where I am. The room slowly began to fill-up and amongst the crowd was you. You were walking hand in hand with... _ him  _ and you both climbed up the stairs to take a seat right in front of me. You didn’t notice me back then because you were so immersed in conversation with him. Something about one of your childhood friends getting out of an abusive relationship. You were relieved and happy because then your friend would never have to suffer. But your ex didn’t seem to care at all. All he ever cared for was trying to work his hand up your leg despite you telling him off.”

Jaehyun winces at the memory. His ex had the tendency to be highly inappropriate at any given time. 

“At that moment, I wanted to help you. But then I realized that neither of us knew each other and if I pulled through with it, you might get into unwanted trouble yourself. So I sat there, fuming. Mad at how I couldn’t throw away everything else and do what’s right. Mad at how there were people like your ex who exist. Suddenly, your voice was rising and you were pushing him away. You were angry. You called him out on it, and it seemed like you have been for numerous times. Yet that asshole had the audacity to blame you for being so sensitive.” Johnny digs his hands even further down his pockets, the fabric straining to its limit. 

“Even if all that unfolded before me, I could only focus on you. You stood up for yourself and for your beliefs and that was what made me attracted to you. Suddenly, losing sleep just to get to class was nothing if it meant seeing you. You were someone else’s so I kept my distance. Watched from afar how you thought differently than anybody else, how you treated everyone equally regardless of where they come from or how the rest of this shallow place perceives them.”

Jaehyun could only scoff. It never even crossed his mind that someone had paid attention to the traits that had come naturally to him. All people ever focused on was how pretty he was. 

“Then our tour began. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do with myself knowing I’d see less of you and that you were stuck with him so...I wrote. Every single thing I ever felt about you, I wrote it. I filled papers and threw them all out until I got to one that finally made sense. I was supposed to keep it to myself but Taeil saw it and wanted to put it in the album. The last song you heard? That was about you.” 

“Jesus Christ, Johnny!” Jaehyun screams, breathless and in complete disbelief. “This all sounds like a fantasy! What? Don’t tell me you were so busy with the tour that you missed the entire fiasco that went down with my ex! That's why you knew nothing about it!”

Both of them fall silent, the harsh sound of Jaehyun’s breathing becomes the only thing they hear. 

Jaehyun looks into Johnny’s eyes, searching for the lie. But there’s nothing there and he can feel the tears prick the corners of his eyes.

“When I told you that the band changed my life, I meant it.” Jaehyun says, slow and careful. “You were right. I was miserable. My ex was hopeless yet I still tried to change him because I was too stubborn to think he was the one for me. I only had your music to tide me over. Never had I expected for you to come around, especially in debate because for some reason I thought rockstars hated academics. But not you.”

Johnny loosens up the hands in his pockets, relieved at what Jaehyun was saying.

“It was a debate exercise. Our professor posed an argument and pointed fingers at two random people to discuss it. We were the first pair. I couldn’t even remember what we argued about. But I remember being stunned when you kept up with me. Even got close to convincing me of your side. That’s when I realized that pouring over hope to someone who was unwilling to change made me think that the rest of the world was like him too. You gave me hope, Johnny. Hope that there is more than what meets the eye. From then on, I looked for you. Stolen glances each time you walked in the room. Back then, just being friends with you was enough. Just get to know you. I vividly remember Yuta trying to convince me to say hi each time you were around but I just couldn’t do it. You were a star and I was a nobody. I belonged to someone else while you belonged to the music and if I ever did take that step, it would’ve looked just as bad as it is if I did it now. So I endured with the hope you gave me and held onto the possibility that things would change one day. It did. For the worst.”

Jaehyun could feel his tears streaming down his face, each one releasing him from the pain that had deeply rooted itself in his heart. 

He continues, “Then the fight happened and I thought to myself that I must be dreaming. There was somebody else who’s on my side, sharing the weight even for just a moment. But when everything had quieted down and we were the only ones left, I just felt so bad that this became the way for me to finally meet you. I was so ashamed but you were so kind to me. You saw past what people had made of me and  _ listened  _ to me. Truly listened.”

Jaehyun chokes out a sob. This was the only thing he ever wanted. The only thing that could’ve made it easier for him to accept his fate. When Johnny had given it to him, Jaehyun felt the full force of the hope he gave. 

“Now, you’re here...right in front of me. Telling me that you like me and I don’t know what to do.” But was he allowed to take it? The possibility of them was so exciting but at what cost? “I’ve grown tired of pleasing other people and I’m ready to do anything that I want but how can I when all I want is you?”

Surprises takes Johnny with force, standing up straighter and hands pulling away from his pockets. 

“People will take you down with me, Johnny.” Jaehyun’s vision is blurred but he can still make out the way Johnny reaches for his hand. Their fingers intertwined but not enough to pull their palms flush against each other. “I don’t want that to happen to you.” 

“I’d rather go down with you than live life without you.” Johnny declares it like a love song. 

“Is that a line from your new song?” Jaehyun whines and laughs at the same time. Maybe the reason why it all felt like a dream to Jaehyun was because he lived amongst the bad things for so long that he doesn’t know what a good thing feels like. 

From now on, Jaehyun is going to leave all of that behind.

“No. It’s just how much I want to be with you.” Johnny pulls their hands together now, the shared warmth soothing their hearts. “Let me get to know you. Let me get to love you.” 

Jaehyun dries his tears with his other hand, renewed hope filling his soul. “Yes.” 

  
  
  
  


_ 8 months later. _

  
  
  


The sun streams in from the window, landing softly on the floor before it gives life to the rest of the room. It’s wide and mostly bare, boxes of varying sizes littering some of the corners. Although a table had already been set-up, spanning majority of the wall to house two sets of computers, an array of student papers, forgotten drumsticks and a stereo system.

Apart from that, there was nothing else other than clothes strewn across the floor, trailing from the bed Jaehyun and Johnny were sleeping on, naked bodies tangled on each other and even still, Jaehyun had found his way to rest his head on Johnny’s chest.

It has been a month or so since they graduated from college and both were extremely fortunate enough to land jobs. The months before that were so eventful, Jaehyun still has trouble keeping up each time he tries to remember it chronologically. But if he were to tell it simply... _ everything had fallen into place. _

After their confession that night, they both took each day and made the most out of it. Started with afternoon study dates at the campus cafe, then moved on to actual dates at the cinema. For every time they were seen together, people talked just like what Jaehyun had predicted. But it no longer affected Jaehyun at all. In fact, Johnny has helped him find a way to make peace with it. Granted, it took some confidence to think those gossipers just had nothing else to do with their lives but it became the springboard idea that led him to a better perspective — focusing on the people that brought him good. Jaehyun could only count them in his fingers but he’d rather have Yuta, Mark, Taeil, Taeyong, and Johnny instead if it meant he was able to live his life in peace.

The dates continued, and their affection for each other grew. Jaehyun was beginning to fall in love with the other parts of Johnny — how he likes a strong americano, how he has a disciplined work ethic, how his maturity transcended most adults their age. When it came to him, Johnny had been vocal about the other things that made him fall in love — his penchant for vinyl, his openness to ideas, and his constant desire to learn new things.

Beyond these things, they discovered that they both have the desire to fight for what’s right. Maybe that’s why they both ended up in fields that allow them to do just that — Jaehyun was training to be a professor while Johnny has just started out in the policy department of a law firm. Johnny still does music with his band, and he had personally made sure to establish boundaries between them. 

The months fly by and just last week, they had signed a lease to an apartment they now call home. Jaehyun slowly wakes up, groaning softly when the sunlight hits his face. As he rubs at one of his eyes, he moves his head up to look at Johnny, still asleep with little snores coming out of his mouth.

“Wake up, baby. They’re gonna come get us soon.” Jaehyun plants a kiss on Johnny’s lips, eliciting a soft groan from the other.

“Why do they want a breakfast double-date, anyway?” Jaehyun relishes in Johnny’s morning voice, deep and insanely endearing. His hand comes up to thread through his hair, coaxing Johnny to become fully awake.

“It’s Yuta and Mark’s thing, and we promised to try their thing because they’ve tried ours.” Yuta and Mark have just gotten together. Their first meeting was amazing and all, but they just had to sort through thousands of differences along the way. Both were pretty forward with their own beliefs and that had them butting heads for a long time before they found a way to work together. Now, they're inseparable.

“Why can’t we just call them and reschedule?” Johnny breathes out, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun. “I just want you all to myself today.” 

“As much as I’d love that, we can’t back out now.” Jaehyun reasons, kissing away the pout that juts out from Johnny’s lips. 

“Come on baby, they won’t miss us.” Johnny’s hands start to make their way down his back until they land on his ass. Large hands cupping both cheeks and squeezing lightly. Jaehyun notes how Johnny has grown considerably warmer since and he knows where his boyfriend’s getting at. The hard cock pressing against his thigh wasn’t hard to miss.

“I’ll give you a quickie and then we have to get ready.” Jaehyun whispers lowly, glides his way down until his face meets it, tip already glistening with precum.

“You never run out of energy, do you?” Jaehyun playfully glares at him one last time before his mouth opens to take Johnny in, preening at the moan he lets out.

Just like in the fairytales, the cockblock comes in the form of three knocks and his best friend’s loud voice exclaiming, “We’re here!!”

Jaehyun panics and tries to pull out, but Johnny reaches his hand out to keep his head there, pushing him a little bit deeper. “Let them wait.” 

He doesn’t think it’s a good idea as he’s known Yuta to be rather impatient at times but then, his mouth is stuffed with cock so he can’t really say anything.

“Hey guys, you left your door unlocked.” Then Mark’s voice comes through the door and a few seconds wasn’t enough for them to get decent because the door opens and the couple catches them red-handed. 

“Motherfucker, Jaehyun! At least throw a blanket on!!” Yuta screams as Mark quickly turns around to give them privacy.

Johnny lets him go, still addled with sleep that he simply ends up chuckling while Jaehyun pulls away with a laugh, something he’s done often ever since meeting Johnny. Yuta turns to Mark now, and he too is amused at his boyfriend’s reaction. 

Soon enough, all of them are laughing.

Jaehyun climbs back up to cuddle Johnny and listens. Listens to the wonderful music of his loved ones around him. 

He never thought he’d live a life that was told about in songs. But here he is. Gone was the darkness that bound him and here was the life he’s always wanted. Free.

**Author's Note:**

> And we're here!! What do you think?
> 
> Please don't hesitate to tell me everything!! You can do so in the comments below!!
> 
> Again, thank you so so much for reading and supporting the Coffee Dates Fest!!


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